Damn there been so many new things in my life this past 2 months. One I got a new sexy car!! Then, I made it to alma boliviana… Every one is friendly and I’m happy so far. I learned most of all the steps but I’m still feeling not ready for the first parade. Saya is my goal but is really soon and I don’t think ill make it.. but I got faith and confidence to make it. Love life is great but I’m not talking to any one in specific, instead I’m just doing me.. and just me. I meet a lot!! Of new girls and dudes(no homo) so I love my new crew is so big we party, travel and club together. Last thing well I guess once again I broke the ice and spoke to my ex paid her back what I owe her but mainly thank her for introducing to me caporales because I didn’t like it before.. we ate but I felt like I didn’t had anything to tell her.. she talked like she always does random stuff.. she didn’t look different at all. But after that she asked me for a favor I don’t mind.. but I don’t think we friends or anything just aquantances… Is funny how we strangers but is life and is all cycle. It resume to everything I thank god for everything is being going on because I’m happy, calm and glad. P.s I’m not sure if I heard right last time but I think she finally dating that dude. I’m not surprise didn’t bug me either..
I always remember that day.. that damn day, she read my texts.. I don’t know why I even complaint to my friends.. but that the day everything ended. The worst day was when i read her facebook. It broke my heart, i cant even explain it. The pain was awful, and I know I’m moving on and ill find some one better.. dont mean I cant miss her and think what we lost…. The truth is for us to be friends we need time, she called me yesterday and, we hadnt talked for days. She called me only to ask me money for her friend, like really? Couldn’t ask how i been or nothing. That day she pist me off and realized.. I need time but also, if she really wants my frienship? She needs to work for it.. truth is i always came to her, i always worked my ass for us to be friends or to fix things for once at least for once I want her to come to me and say something.. something i wouldnt expect from her. But im asking for the impossible. I honestly believe, she don’t care. People who do care put theyre pride to the side and do whats right. I’m so confused about a lot but at the same time I’m determine to go forward.
I’m used to getting my heart broken. I’m used to being the second option. I’m used to being left behind. I’m used to drifting away from people. I’m used to be ignored, and forgotten about. I’m used to not having someone feel the same way back. And you know what? It’s fine. If you do any of these things to me, it won’t really matter. You just don’t have to worry about me at all.
So I’m honestly thinking of going back to my country. I miss it, I miss my family, and most of all I miss the feeling of everything is ok. I feel stressed but I think the main reason is because I don’t have papers and that shit is the worst feeling ever, problems with money and other bills doesn’t really help and sometimes I feel like running away. It won’t fix my problems though so I got to face them every single day. I’m never scared to get caught because more likely that won’t happen but I am scared the if I don’t find a way to get this fixed I won’t go anywhere in his country. My best friend was suppose to marry me but she got other plans, this other girl too but she has a baby and I’m sorry I can’t deal with the extra load even though she got a beautiful baby, and the last one well I don’t think it would happen. At times I did tear because is so fucking stressful, I wish some people knew what I meant, it makes more mad when I see people with papers having the chance to be something in life they wasted on stupid shit. My dad always said “al mal paso buen camino” it means everything must start bad to end good. Let’s just hope things get better. Maybe some day something good or I will hear good news for once.
