I always wonder why people liked me? Like cuz I’m outgoing? Nice? Fun to be with? I don’t know… I remember I used to wanted to be that cool kid back then. I still don’t know if i am or not. But i do have a lot of people respect. For the past days i been thinking a lot, with what i have.. for some one like me I think i have a lot, but i still feel empty.. like something is not right. All i can think of is just moving out of Virginia with a Passion and leave everything behind. I came to a conclusion I becoming sick of this state. Where did all the happiness go? My birthday is 4 days and im not even excited… I’m healthy, have two jobs, going to school, family is great.. so why I’m I feeling like this? Here comes another weekend with the usual party and bullshit the only time I see people.
You know this past weeks I thought I had cool friends to party and hang out. I was dead wrong… I didn’t talked to anybody for two freaking days and rumors spread out. Why? Why can’t we get along? I don’t know what’s the real story anymore I heard like 3 versions I feel everyone being shady to me.. who’s my true friend? And who’s fake? Should I really change? And stop being nice to people? I’m tired of this.. just gonna stay with the right people. This another reason why I miss my old friends but they all left to do something good with their lifes.. is time for me to leave too, and don’t worry I don’t need no goodbye party or shit just remember I don’t have grudges or hate any one so everyone have a nice day
I’m not sure what I’m feeling or if I’m sure this is what I want or hearing from friends. Well lately or for the past months I became really close to many friends. But this particular one is becoming closer and closer by the day… Is getting to the point the she sends me pictures comfortably to show me how her hair looks, how her outfit looks, and even her new tattoo. My friends think she has a crush on me… But I don’t see it, and I don’t think I have any sort of feelings for her because I appreciate her soo much as my friend she been there for me a lot… Even at my last relationship just how I was on hers.
There was this one night me and her drink, funny thing I got “drunker” at the end hahaha.. And she did something I wouldn’t expect she took care of me through out the whole freaking night! I remember the conversation we had at the sofa. I remember getting deep in the conversation with her… I remember asking her when me and her talk back in the days but I remember more asking her “why you taking care of me” and she responded “remember the night I called you late? I was scared because I was alone and my friend scared me I wanted u to come over to keep me company and u were coming but my parents got home that day I knew you would take care of me so I though I should take of you too” I took as friend thing to say but what if? She was catching feelings.. What if? She actually see me different now. Before the night ended I was sort of sobering up but I had an ugly headache I need a hot tea. We went to 7/11 (she drove of course) and also she the first person to drive my car no one has driven it but me.. I told her after if we can go to my house to sleep because I had such an ugly headache and we got to my house at 5 am she didn’t make any complaint and slept in my bed while I just laid in the sofa.. I jump to my bed eventually and laid right next to her is been long since a there a girl in my bed.. But she just a friend I remember I sort of hold her for a bit and felt asleep we woke up the next morning and I took her home.
My head seems confused in some way. I wouldn’t force myself to like her either because, I appreciate our friendship. All my friends like her and they all tell me I should try but I don’t know if I see her that way and I don’t know of she does too.. One thing my friend Andre said about her is right.. She very pretty, funny, trust worthy, good friend, haha knows how to roll a blunt and talented let’s see what choice I make.
Wow is been long since I been here.. Remembering when Lolan made get tumblr and then, keep it because my ex had it too. Well I changed sooo much this pasts months like I can’t even put into words myself. I remember how hard I tried just to find a girl to be happy with… When in reality I guess I felt alone and didn’t looked what I had around me. 1. Family 2. God 3. Friends (not any friends but the most loyal, fun and real friends anyone wished to have) and new friends the I’ve made. Every weekend I make a new friend or friends it don’t have to be just girls but guys too.
I chill with Daren and Yasmine my two dearest best friends like so many memories and they know everything about me till this day. Catch up with life I’m glad they doing great in life. At the same time talked about what’s been going on an I come to realized “I’ve changed” After high school but mainly when I went back to the single life I still party and do my thing but it doesn’t necessarily mean I’m happy. I got a brand new car, have two chill us jobs, have money all the time, go on dates with girls (but simple dates with out expecting anything) what’s more important I learned to love myself and love others. I don’t have any grudge or angry at any one I just keeping my distance away from people I come to realized is better to just walk away and if destiny wants it… Might make it walk my way once more.
3 days ago my new friend “Jen” and my niggas were at my house chilling till I turn around and looked at Jen crying.. I asked “what’s wrong” but she wouldnt speak her mind.. I haven’t done this in a while giving advices and listening to someone problems well maybe cuz my friends don’t have drama no more. Well I made her speak freely.. Listen and then came conclusions about her boyfriend and from experience from my last relationship I was able to answer soooo many questions I had before and I was in some way happy and surprise and then she looked at me and said “wow no one has ever put words like that and you made me open my eyes” then I realized I did my job and made her feel better but also to make a good choice at the end I hope… When I talked to my friend yasmine and told her everything she was proud of me because, I’m a whole different person and I’m glad. There is plenty for me to learn but if anybody ever needs a friend, a voice or just to listen I’m here.. I’m always here and I’m happy With what I got. Maybe some day I’ll share this with some one.